I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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