Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
