you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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