Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this boner is exhausting
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
