I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my sisters under your porch take her home
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
