so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
