Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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