i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
