i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize