literally had 100 drinks last night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
