Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
