Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
