I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
