You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
