Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
