no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
porn star boner night. come get it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I supernannyed him into submission
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize