I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
