Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
