Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
