He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
