Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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