I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
