Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hippo gnu deer
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
