I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
