I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
