Can i not drive my cunt home
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i came on her dog
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize