Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
