Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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