a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
