Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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