His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dignity is for republicans.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
