I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
