Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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