Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
