If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
