I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
