Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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