So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
