I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
