but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
