i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
