I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
