He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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