how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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