what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You pole danced in your parka.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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