im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
