so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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