If that was your dad, he is hot
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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