ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
