You don't have asthma, your pregnant
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
