I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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