You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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