We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
