my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
