I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize