You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
