Whod you bang
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
