xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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