It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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