I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
