she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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