Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize