Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
