She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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