Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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