I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
