I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
