well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
