I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
