she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
