I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
