I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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