i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When are your genitals available?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
