i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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