Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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