One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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