My Higher Power is John Stamos
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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