Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
