did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
