I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
