i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
