Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
