He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize