sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
