Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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