I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
