It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
