singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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