Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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