these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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