Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
