if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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