Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
