one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
