Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
