I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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