I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize