no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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