and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
