I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
