____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
