will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
