my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
