Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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