I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I understand Curling. That high.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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