I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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