Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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